Opening

Opening to a lover. Opening the heart and the body, what we need to open, are on my mind this morning.

We all need this sense of being safe in order to open. In particular, if we are allowing another human to penetrate our body, we need to be open in order for the experience of penetration to be pleasurable...and that is what we are here for, yes? In an embrace with our lover? We are here for pleasure.

There is a sort of recipe for openness, a beautiful mixture of things that create the space for reception.

Time.

Safety.

Trust.

Connection.

Communication.

Consent.

I am writing this to those of us who receive penetration, rather than to those who need the advice on 'how to', because I really want you--you who might not be ready, or who are in the habit of just letting it happen before you want it to--to know that you have permission, even a responsibility to yourself and your body and your health and your own greatest and highest good, to wait until you are a full-on yes.

We receive a lot of messages contrary to this and very few affirming the idea that ssssllllooooowing down is beautiful.

Time. Take your time. Is your lover impatient to get it on? Get to it already? Let's just do and ? It's time for them to learn some new techniques...like patience! Breathing can help here. I can help here.

Safety. Do you know that you can stop, get up, leave at any point? Do you feel as if you could safely say, "Stop. I'm done." Then get up and walk out at any point? Do you know where the exits are? Do you have a safe way to get home, if you aren't already home? If not? Please know that you deserve and require this. Everyone does.

Trust. Do you trust your partner? Is this person honest, safe, kind, and supportive? Can they hold you where you are?

Connection. How connected do you feel to this human? Is it a magnetic, across the room, just for tonight, full on hell yes? Or a long-term, deep eye gazing, soul connection? Something in between. I could call this magnetism but that kind of pull is important.

Communication. Can you say what you want and need and know your partner is going to hear you and probably going to try and give it to you? (Within reason, right?)

Consent. This is part of Communication but also a separate category. Have this conversation first and often. What's okay for you? Want their name written in on your forehead? Like having your butt smacked? It's important to be very detailed and clear about these things.

Obviously I am only brushing the surface here with these categories. This isn't the space and FB isn't paying me enough for the deep dive.

If your body is going to really open? 45 minutes minimum before penetration. Safety. Trust. Communication. Consent *before penetration*. Meaning the clear ask, "Are you ready," even if not with those words, or any words. Trust. And you had that Consent conversation well before you even got close, right?

With love and passion and permission to be in your pleasure. ~~

xoxo

Bettina