Overvaluing the Masculine

We live in a world that overvalues the masculine.

We live in a world that overvalues men. (I need to offer a caveat here: I LOVE MEN. A lot. Like, a looot. This is not an anti-man post.)

Frequently, in spiritual women’s groups I read information talking about the wounded masculine and wounded man. Things need to be differentiated because while men are men, all of us carry the masculine archetype regardless of gender.

But I’m talking about men really, not the masculine archetype that we all carry.

In these spiritual circles I see women who claim to be feminists overvaluing men at the expense of the safety of the women they claim to be working for and supporting. And, at the same time, infantilizing them (men). The poor little man. The poor little man, who has been harmed by a woman. A man who needs caretaking by a woman. Who needs protection from women. The poor little incompetent man, who can’t take care of himself.

Honestly, it's infuriating to me as a woman and it's insulting to the men.

I would like to suggest that men, grown men, are fully capable of taking care of themselves.

For example, they run the entire world. They run the police forces and the military, and most large corporations. The idea that men are incapable of taking care of children, or changing diapers, or washing dishes, is just one more method of infantilizing them.

Grown men, just like grown women, are competent, capable, adult human beings. And the idea that they are someone’s victim? It’s bullshit.

It is disrespectful to grown men when we endlessly talk about how we need to do more caretaking of them. The golden boy has had enough of that! What he needs is to grow the fuck up. To stop taking advantage of this overarching cultural myth that he’s only good at the really important stuff like making money and then he really sucks at the things that aren’t important or of value like raising children or taking care of a home or emotionally engaging with a partner. Can you feel the sarcasm oozing out of your screen?

This overvaluing of manhood and, as a result, the undervaluing of womanhood, has caused a lot of harm. Some of that is that we have taken on something called 'traditional roles', which are just boxes we've put people into. And these boxes contain things like unpaid labor and 'unskilled labor', which is work mostly performed by women—like the unpaid 2nd shift that most working mothers and wives do—and the roles of managing money making businesses and skilled labor, which is work that is 'traditionally' mostly done by men.

Then there are the sexual repercussions. Sex is something women do for the pleasure of men. If you don't believe that and that's not part of your life? Awesome. I'm absolutely thrilled, to be honest, and also I hope you understand that the cultural story is as above. Women perform for the pleasure and gratification and sexual release of men. I hear it all of the time. All. the. time. TV drives it home. Sex on the screen is geared toward the male gaze and what males are programmed to want from sex.

I’m calling Women out right now. I’m calling Women out because they are endlessly trying to protect grown men. And I’m calling them out for stomping all over the rest of us. This is the reason, this stomping down on women and raising up of men, this is reason so many white women voted for Trump. It's the reason there are so many TERFs. We have aligned with our perpetrators. Talk about Stockholm Syndrome.

And I’m calling in men. It’s time for you to stop taking advantage of this idiocy and to come in. Come in like grown ass, adult men. Stand up. Stride forth. Be dependable and strong and all of the things all adults are expected to be, only do it from a place of emotional openness and vulnerability. Now THAT's a challenge for you! You who have been told you aren't to even HAVE emotions, much less express them. THERE is your work.

And here is my moment of humanity in this, I’m working…Still…on the heteronormative language. Sorry. Just naming the place where my growth is happening.